“How many times do I need to forgive my brother?” Peter asked. Wouldn’t it be simpler if he’d been told, “If someone sins against you three times, you’re off the hook; it’s totally reasonable to withhold your forgiveness after that.” I’m thankful “reasonable” is not the standard when it comes to forgiveness though – I’d be maxed out on forgiveness, whether it was 3, 7, 77, or 70x7 forgiveness-es we were allotted!

Not everyone needs counseling, but all of us can benefit from personal growth. Part of our heart at Valeo is to equip global workers with resources that enhance your well-being and effectiveness. We recently created the Global Worker Field Guide as one of those resources and made it available as a free download on our website. We interviewed the author, Curtis, LPC, LMHC, for insights into the Field Guide and how to use it.

Continuing our series on self-care, we reached out to several Valeo care providers to ask for their advice and experiences about self-care, particularly while serving in a cross-cultural context.

What has self-care looked like for you while serving cross-culturally? What have you learned about self-care in general from living in cross-cultural contexts?

This peculiar phrase (to my American ears) is forever with me after living and serving in Hong Kong. It's the phrase that is announced in multiple languages at the start and end of every train trip on Hong Kong’s Mass Transit Railway (MTR). “Please mind the gap!” It echoes through train cars and stations literally millions of times a day. "Please mind the gap!” It’s an announcement that declares the seemingly obvious (notice the gap between the platform and the train) with the implication: don’t trip! Hong Kong is not alone in its concern for travelers. Wikipedia has an entire page devoted to “Mind the gap”, listing all the cities and countries which have their own version!

In honor of Self-Care Month, we are continuing our series on the various aspects of self-care. I sat down with Barney Davis, M.D., one of the founders of Valeo, to get a physician’s perspective on physical self-care. Over the years he has served global workers in many locations, both in person and via videoconference, and has unique insight on the challenges faced in caring for oneself in a cross-cultural setting.

Jessie is a 36-year-old global worker in Central Africa. She is a wife, mother of three, and actively serves in her community. Jessie loves getting to pour her heart into others, but struggles at times to balance serving as a wife, mother, and friend.

One day, Jessie came home after serving breakfast to children in the community, teaching literacy classes, and helping a couple work through marital disputes, to find that her son had broken a lamp and scattered pieces all over the floor while the babysitter was in the bathroom.

How many times have you tried to help someone work through personal problems and found them getting “stuck” at some point along the way? One area where this often happens is in the process of forgiveness and healing from past hurts. Many of us, despite our best intentions, have had times when true forgiveness just seemed out of reach. Sometimes forgiveness feels too much like letting the other person off the hook. Or we try to forgive and move on, but something happens and the old hurt and anger flare up as strongly as ever.

What does it take to reach the finish line—to fulfill your calling with joy? Track with me for a minute here. We can learn something from marathon runners about going the distance while serving cross-culturally.

"Why don't you slow down and take a breather?" Susan asked as Dave walked in the door, his sweat-soaked shirt sticking to his body.

"I can't really afford to sit down right now.” As Dave shut the door behind him, the hot desert air seemed to recede as the atmosphere of the house returned to a comfortable temperature. “I just came from Abdullah's house to help patch his roof and now I have to prepare for the men's Bible study tonight and finish my sermon for tomorrow.”

Grieving a loss can be an overwhelming process.  When people talk about grief they often use the term in reference to losing a person, but in actuality grief can occur anytime a change occurs.  We can grieve the temporary loss of friendships or changes in a friendship when a friend gets married, the loss of a place after moving, the loss of familiarity, or the loss of a loved one.  Grief is an emotional process most people can relate to because grief is something we all experience at one time or another. In spite of how common the grieving process is, many are not familiar with certain “side effects” that can occur when we are in the middle of grieving a loss.

The first two articles in this series have focused on recognizing and treating burnout, but what if you are not burned out and just want to take healthy steps to prevent reaching a state of burnout?  Here are a few ideas on how to start consciously making choices that will help prevent burnout in the long run. 

If you read and resonated with the description of burnout in part one of our series on burnout, you may be asking yourself, “What should I do if I’m already burned out?”  As mentioned previously, burnout symptoms can be very similar to the symptoms of depression - meaning ‘doing’ anything can be an uphill battle.  So what can you do (or not do) to start on the path towards becoming balanced instead of burned out?

What Causes Burnout?  For those under the continual stress of living in a new location, adjusting to a new job, and juggling their own and other people's expectations - burnout is a real and looming risk.  With all the new stressors to adjust to, prioritizing or even determining what your new self-care system needs to look like can be extremely difficult.  So, what is “burnout” and how can we catch signs of burnout early?

Technology has allowed us to be able to connect and communicate with more people, yet loneliness continues to be an issue for many people.  There are many theories out there as to why this continues to be such a prevalent issue. Still, this article will focus more on a few small changes we can make toward connecting on a deeper level in order to help combat those times we begin to feel lonely.

“Most people don’t sign up to be overwhelmed,” said Erik, Valeo’s Clinical Director, in a conversation I had with him, but many people accidentally set themselves up to become overwhelmed by saying ‘yes’ to tasks that they should say ‘no’ to. So, how can we determine which tasks we should say ‘no’ to? How can we determine what to place on our “Not To Do” list?

When we're doing well right before everything falls apart or when our stress level reaches the ceiling - those are the times it can be difficult to continue to trust in our Father's goodness and perfect plan.  In a conversation with Lisa, a friend of Valeo and a long-time global worker, she shared a few words of wisdom, from her own experience, on how to cling to our faith in the middle of tough times when we may feel like letting go.

We were privileged to sit and chat with Lisa, a friend of Valeo.  Lisa and her husband, Scott, served as global workers for over twenty years. As we talked, the topic arose of how global workers can show care for one another. Lisa shared a few ideas from her years of experience ministering to her co-workers on the field.

Think back to how you first met and became friends with the person that is now your best friend. Can you remember? Sometimes growing a friendship or a community of friends can happen effortlessly, but when we move to a new location, we may find ourselves at a loss when trying to form those same deep connections.  Here are a few ideas Becky (Valeo’s Spiritual Director) gave when asked how to go about building a community after moving to a new place.

When preparing to live in a new location, it can be tough to determine how to create a foundation for emotional and spiritual health while living overseas.  Here are ideas to help set that healthy foundation in order to thrive while serving.

Valeo’s former Spiritual Director, Becky, suggests ways to make space for our spiritual life and why this is important in our daily life. Becky stated that sometimes we “can get so busy with the doing that we neglect the being.” This is where creating Spiritual space can be vital to our spiritual well-being. While these steps are not exhaustive, Becky gave a few starting points to begin creating spiritual space: